Friendly Visit

I’m feeling rather nostalgic this morning. I’ve been connecting with those who have gone from this life, those who have moved on to bigger and better things maybe.

It was a year ago yesterday; that we buried mom and today would have been my son’s 40th birthday. Years seem to accumulate faster than dandelions in the wild, yet no matter how many years go by those who gave birth to us, or those we gave birth to, have a way of staying present in our hearts.

I was dreaming about Kevin this morning. Actually it felt more like a visit from him than a dream. I was in an airport making my way to the gate I needed to be at when something kept making me want to change direction. It made absolutely no sense at all since I knew I needed to be on my way. Yet, I kept looking back feeling like there was something going on back there that I would miss and which was important for me to see.

It was the same kind of feeling I’ve had when I was standing in the middle of a crowded room waiting for results of something to be announced, the drummer beats a drum roll and everyone stops talking and becomes all ears. So I turned around and I inched my way forward with my head slightly tilted to the right as if I was trying to peek around the corner not quite knowing what to expect and not wanting to stick my nose in where it didn’t belong yet feeling like I had to somehow.

What I saw as I got closer was a small group of people gathered around someone in the center of the floor and in the background behind ropes intended to keep people from getting any closer, stood a larger group of people.

I continued to slowly move closer hoping to get a better look at who this person could be. Who was causing all this commotion, some kind of celebrity maybe? And that’s when I saw him, Kevin was standing there. He was the one people had gathered around. He stood there looking in my direction and as he watched me approaching his face lit up with a big smile and his eyes filled with tears.

A lump the size of a football lodged itself in the back of my throat. A strange rasping, grating, sound echoed in my ears like someone who was drowning had just been yanked out of a pool and was gasping for air. It took me a minute to realize it was me trying to breath. I felt my knees buckle and out of nowhere two people showed up, one on each side of me, half holding me up, supporting me as I moved even closer.

It felt like I was moving in slow motion but finally I was standing next to him. I lifted my arms, cupped my hands around his face and managed to whisper, “Hello son.”

“Hello Mom,” he said, as he cupped his hands around my face and we looked into each other’s eyes.

Sobs and cries of absolute joy raced to the surface while tears streamed down my face. Trying to hold it all back was like trying to put toothpaste back in a tube.

“Where have you been? How have you been?” I wanted to know.

“Mom, you have to understand. I’m only here for a visit,” he said, “And then you have to let me go.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay,” I said. “But first I need to tell you. I love you. I’ve always loved you and I always will.”

“I know Mom,” he said. “I know and I’ve always known.”
~~

I feel comforted by this visit from the other world - or whatever it is you choose to call it. It was comforting. It left me feeling calm, at peace and full of love for what once was and no matter what, will always continue to be.