I'm back. A major computer crash cut me off at the knees and knocked the wind out of my sails. After the initial state of shock and disbelief I managed to calm down and take it one step at a time while trying my damn best to keep my cool about the whole thing. I dare say I've managed to do that fairly well by keeping the belief that things would all work out tucked into my hip pocket where I could reach in and touch it as often as I needed.
What's transpired from last weekend to this weekend is a long story with a lot of reaching into my pocket, both literally and figuratively for my belief and my plastic card. Odly enough, it is because of this very experience that I find myself standing in a pool of gratitude. Gratitude for the people who have reasured me, some with their kindness, and others with their expertise in the technological world of which I find I know very little about, and gratitude as well for the new computer which I am now playing the get acquainted dance with.
All of this learning feels like a bit much for my old brain to wrap itself around and after a while I find myself on information overload. I find I'm unable to focus, scattered, lost, bobbing around like an unanchored ship at sea. It's like travelling in a new country without a map and having no idea where I'm going but knowing that eventually I need to anchor somewhere.
This whole computer crash thing sure has made me realize how utterly dependant I've become on this machine. I feel as if it holds my life and in many ways it does since most of my work originates from or resides within my computer. My counselling business, my writing classes, my connection to people, many of the writings I've done throughout the years, much of it is held within the memory bank of this machine. The thought of losing all that felt like I was losing a huge part of me.
As I sat with that thought throughout the week, the one of losing a huge part of me, I realized that I cannot lose that which I am. It is already there, always has been and always will be. So what was my fear? My fear I realized was of not being able to share who I am with the world, of losing my story. Why? Because story is what allows me/us to be. Story allows us to look into the mirror and see our reflection. It reflects back to us who we are and helps us find a footing which is based in the truth of who we are. H.W. L. Poonja says:
What's transpired from last weekend to this weekend is a long story with a lot of reaching into my pocket, both literally and figuratively for my belief and my plastic card. Odly enough, it is because of this very experience that I find myself standing in a pool of gratitude. Gratitude for the people who have reasured me, some with their kindness, and others with their expertise in the technological world of which I find I know very little about, and gratitude as well for the new computer which I am now playing the get acquainted dance with.
All of this learning feels like a bit much for my old brain to wrap itself around and after a while I find myself on information overload. I find I'm unable to focus, scattered, lost, bobbing around like an unanchored ship at sea. It's like travelling in a new country without a map and having no idea where I'm going but knowing that eventually I need to anchor somewhere.
This whole computer crash thing sure has made me realize how utterly dependant I've become on this machine. I feel as if it holds my life and in many ways it does since most of my work originates from or resides within my computer. My counselling business, my writing classes, my connection to people, many of the writings I've done throughout the years, much of it is held within the memory bank of this machine. The thought of losing all that felt like I was losing a huge part of me.
As I sat with that thought throughout the week, the one of losing a huge part of me, I realized that I cannot lose that which I am. It is already there, always has been and always will be. So what was my fear? My fear I realized was of not being able to share who I am with the world, of losing my story. Why? Because story is what allows me/us to be. Story allows us to look into the mirror and see our reflection. It reflects back to us who we are and helps us find a footing which is based in the truth of who we are. H.W. L. Poonja says:
"Don't aspire for what can be lost.
What cannot be lost, what is eternal.
is seated in the cave of your heart
Shinning like a diamond,
look within!"
We woke up to this big huge smile flying over our house this morning. How could it not be a good day.
After breakfast we went to listen to a talk at the spiritual center and from there we went to sit by a creek in order to keep cool and relax in the heat of the day.
1 comment:
Glad you're figuring out your new computer and I like the new look of your page!
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