Grinding Gears

"When your head and soul are in conflict your body responds by feeling stressed."

I read this statement somewhere the other day. Can't remember exactly where. Something told me to write it down in my journal. Now I look at it and I go - ah ha! Another slap up-side the head, an open your eyes and read the writing on the wall woman! For me it should read - "your body responds by exhibiting stress." Nothing half way for me. No sir. I don't just feel it. I put it into action.

My head says: You need to do this, do that, earn a living, be accountable, be responsible, do what is expected of you, follow the rules. My heart says: Hogwash! I want, need, desire, to be who I am, to say what I feel, to do what I love doing, to be who and what I am and the two don't necessarily match. So there you have it, the tug of war. The grinding gears, the clenched jaw, the grinding teeth that send a chill through the house at night.

Sometimes I feel like I've come around full circle and come back t0 the starting point of my whole healing journey - but then again - I don't suppose that's true. One never goes back to what once was even if it feels that way sometimes. What it is, is cleaning up at a deeper level. Digging out the roots that got left behind.

Yep, I'm digging up the roots and in the process I've found some pretty interesting stuff about me, about truth and about authenticity which is a huge, huge part of me. I'm putting it out there now. It's exploding and spilling out like the dough in a Pillsbury container. I start my morning each day now with this prayer to the Universe. Help me become who and what I am. Like they say, watch out what you ask for, you just might get it.

Bring it on I say. I'm ready to meet the rest of the real me.