Do or Don’t

There’s two things I discovered lately. One is that it’s painful as hell to be sitting on the fence of indecision. The second is there’s a lot to do once one decides. Come to think of it, maybe that’s what was keeping me on the fence in the first place – the fear of what I’d have to do once I decided and the fear of what would happen if I screwed up. I tell you, it doesn’t take long for that “what if” stuff to drive a person absolutely insane.

The reason I`ve been sitting on the fence about a lot of stuff is that a little while back I made a wrong move and instead of using that mistake as a tool to learn from I’ve been using it as a paddle to beat myself up with. And instead of letting it go and moving on, I’ve been hanging on to it like a new book I couldn’t wait to get my hands on.

I’m not sure if it’s the fence posts poking me in the back side or the insanity that got to me first but I suppose it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that I needed to jump off the fence, to decide one way or the other, to take a bite or leave the table and I did. I started by reminding myself of what I often tell others, (I hate it when I don’t walk my talk), which is to decide something, and if it was the wrong decision, so-be-it. At least I would learn something. And if it was the right decision, I would be ahead of the game. Either way it was better than see sawing on the fence and ripping out my finger nails trying to hang on.

I feel a whole lot better now that I’ve jumped off that fence and actually made some decisions. The first thing I did was put off my surgery, which was to happen on March 6th until next fall. It just isn’t the right time for me. Not that there is ever a right time for surgery, but I just couldn’t see my way around it right now and it’s not a life or death situation so it’s not the end of the world if I postpone. So that is off my mind and out of the way.


The second thing I did was decide something I’ve been turning myself into a corkscrew about and that was which of the four marketing people I’ve been dealing with I would hire to help me and guide me along. I decided. I sent an email informing the person of choice. She agreed. We met for lunch, discussed things further and the ball is now in motion. Phew, what another big huge relief that was for me.


Next on my list of fence sitting was the whole Bachelor Degree thing. Do I pursue it? Do I let it go? Do I spend that kind of money? Do I have the time or the energy or even the brain to do it? Will it be a good thing? Can get back into the study mode? Do I want to? On and on went this voice in my head like that of a three year old who just learned the word “why”. Until the other day I heard myself say. Enough already!! I whipped out my credit card, sat at the computer and went on line and registered. I felt so much lighter. Another indecision wiped off the board.

So now comes the second part of my learning. There sure is a lot to do once one decides!