Whiplash! That’s what I have. Here I am just sailing along and picking up speed heading in one direction when, wham! I’m turned around and headed the opposite way. Well at least there’s one thing I seem to be able to count on. Change. It seems like change is the only constant thing in my life lately. Deal or no deal? No deal! That is what the call from the realtor last night was all about. The house deal fell dead in the water. It’s not a go.
We were getting set to go. We had a place to rent in Kelowna that some people were hanging on to for us until Friday and we had all of Mom’s furniture moved out of the house already. Boxes were being collected and we were letting our food supply dwindle to the bare minimum. That’s what I mean when I say we were heading one way then wham; we’re heading the other way. Oh well what’s a person going to do? Ces’t la vie!
Otherwise, I’m jumping up and down its Friday. Yoohoo!!! I’m going over my exam one more time this morning, reading over my research paper and doing the finishing touches on my case study. I tell you. It’s been a long haul this week working my way through all the emotions that came up and at same time trying to unscramble my brain to maintain enough mental cognition to write that paper.
I don’t know if I mentioned it already but I chose to write about the developmental crisis of old age and how it affects caregivers. Now you know why I was blubbering all the way through it. It brought back a lot of stuff that’s been sitting close to the surface and never really got a chance to be let go of.
Before coming home I went to give Mom her bath last night. Poor Mom. I feel like my heart is getting squeezed in a vice when I see her tied in her wheel chair, leaning to one side and curved over like a tree that survived a bad storm. I really wish we could have done more for her, kept her with us until the end maybe. Yet I know we did the best we could. We couldn’t give more physically, emotionally, or accommodate her needs in the house we’re in.
Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. She’s not doing so well right now. Everything is an effort for her and she is so tired all the time. So tired. Her feet are swollen again, the white of her eyes are all bloodshot red and her eyes drip as if she’s crying. It’s strange. Not once in my 50 some years have I ever seen my mother cry and now I sit beside her and wipe her tears. They’re not real tears. They’re a result of cataracts and retention of fluids due to some congestive heart failure. But I wonder sometimes. Sometimes I’d like to take her in my arms, wipe her tears and tell her. “Shh…..it’s okay”, as I gently rock her to sleep.
Writefully Yours
Annette
We were getting set to go. We had a place to rent in Kelowna that some people were hanging on to for us until Friday and we had all of Mom’s furniture moved out of the house already. Boxes were being collected and we were letting our food supply dwindle to the bare minimum. That’s what I mean when I say we were heading one way then wham; we’re heading the other way. Oh well what’s a person going to do? Ces’t la vie!
Otherwise, I’m jumping up and down its Friday. Yoohoo!!! I’m going over my exam one more time this morning, reading over my research paper and doing the finishing touches on my case study. I tell you. It’s been a long haul this week working my way through all the emotions that came up and at same time trying to unscramble my brain to maintain enough mental cognition to write that paper.
I don’t know if I mentioned it already but I chose to write about the developmental crisis of old age and how it affects caregivers. Now you know why I was blubbering all the way through it. It brought back a lot of stuff that’s been sitting close to the surface and never really got a chance to be let go of.
Before coming home I went to give Mom her bath last night. Poor Mom. I feel like my heart is getting squeezed in a vice when I see her tied in her wheel chair, leaning to one side and curved over like a tree that survived a bad storm. I really wish we could have done more for her, kept her with us until the end maybe. Yet I know we did the best we could. We couldn’t give more physically, emotionally, or accommodate her needs in the house we’re in.
Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. She’s not doing so well right now. Everything is an effort for her and she is so tired all the time. So tired. Her feet are swollen again, the white of her eyes are all bloodshot red and her eyes drip as if she’s crying. It’s strange. Not once in my 50 some years have I ever seen my mother cry and now I sit beside her and wipe her tears. They’re not real tears. They’re a result of cataracts and retention of fluids due to some congestive heart failure. But I wonder sometimes. Sometimes I’d like to take her in my arms, wipe her tears and tell her. “Shh…..it’s okay”, as I gently rock her to sleep.
Writefully Yours
Annette
7 comments:
"Ces’t la vie!"
How tired we all grow of "what will be will be!" I am sure you both are feeling as though another load has been dumped on you, one more time.
Dam, I did not want the house to go, but I did not want this either.
Who the hell am I to feel one way or the other? I am not the one burdened with the bills. My life is not packed in boxes, waiting.
This sucks big time. Just when we feel a second of control, here comes that dam dump truck one more time.
Holding you both close with prayers and love, hoping someone is listening.......
???????
mE
I'm sorry the deal fell through on your house sale and now it starts all over again. It will all work out somehow.
I cry when I think of you with your mom. A last gesture of love on your part. She knows you love her and even if she can't express it, she loves you too.
love always,
Phillis
Thanks for your comments Barbara. Maybe we'll have to rent some rooms. Interested?
Thanks Phillis. Some things are just out of our control.
I'm sure sad for you both to read that the deal went kaput. What a drag. I was definitely not liking the idea of you moving away, but was happy for you both that you'd be living close to school so you wouldn't have to drive the winter roads, Annette.
I know that this is just because God has something better in Mind for you and we just have to wait and see how that unfolds. And I also know it must not feel like a good thing just now.
Hugs to you both.
Kaput it is! Something better must be around the corner - at least I like to think of it that way.
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