Earlier this evening I was thinking, I did it again. I cut myself short on time. It’s my usual scenario of thinking I can pack 24 hours into 12 and sweating bullets when I see the clock closing in on my time.For the past week I’ve been playing tug of war with myself. Should I, should I not? Do I, don’t I? Love me, love me not? Nothing unusual. I often have this kind of internal battle going on especially when it comes to things I want to do, versus things I should do, or think I should do.
Andree comes home tomorrow and the house is a mess, the fridge is empty, there are clothes to wash, I have to be at work during the day and a journaling class at night so that means, today is it. Crap, I thought. I won’t have enough time.
I started to work myself into a tizzy and of course my highly developed sense of responsibility came swooping in like a pack of flies on a dead carcass and the, shoulda, woulda, coulda’s were pounding at my door. But this time I didn’t shrivel in the corner or slink down on the floor. I stood proud and said, “Whoa! No more!
Hogwash to doing everything I think I should do, before I allow myself time to do what I love, or want to do. No more of this, once you’ve been a “good girl” and all your work is done, (the 101 things on the list), then you are free to go out and play.
This week I managed to pull the plug on that one by making a conscious choice to play things out differently. In other words, I implemented a reverse osmosis system. I did what I want and love to do, and only then did I look at the should-dos, and something miraculous happened. Somehow everything got done anyway.
This morning, when I started thinking the hours were ticking by and I had lots to do, I got my finger off the panic button, and I once again, implemented the reverse osmosis system. I did what I wanted and loved to do, and I trusted that what needed to get done, would.
The result is that the car is washed in and out, the house is cleaned, and the clothes is washed and put away. I went to the service this morning, I went biking, I went swimming, I visited with family and I wrote. Granted it’s late, I should be in bed and the shopping is not done but I’m sure I’ll find time to pick up a few food items tomorrow somewhere in-between doing what I love to do, the should-dos, and making my way to the airport.
My motto now is; do what you love and life will follow.
And the winner is – me!
4 comments:
Quel co-ink-ee-dink ... my private journal entry yesterday was about the shoulda woulda coulda, too. I've been allowing myself to do what I want rather than what I "should," first, for some time. Only it isn't working as far as getting the "shoulds" done afterward, darn it. Apparently some kind of self-discipline remains necessary for me. Yours is obviously working!
I've been allowing myself to do what I want more and more over the years but am now reaching a new level with this.
I thought you might be interested in what I read this morning by Melody Beattie. She says, "The things that bring us the most joy will bring the most service to the world. Doing things we don't want to do will leave us and the world around us cold, untouched, unmoved."
Years back I believed when I "played" I would "pay" somehow, someway. Some stupid programing from childhood no doubt. Like having homework ready for the next day, "or else!" (;-(
Time and tide have taught me to "play" as often as possible and the rest will take care of itself.
If I were to die tonight with a smile on my face, tomorrow would take care of itself without me.
"Make hay while the sun is shinning" the rest will follow.
B.
I love your new motto, Annette! Think I'll begin following it, too, and see where it takes me!
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