Decoding

I get sick of it. People who don’t mean what they say, or say what they mean. And, people who won’t go anywhere near the truth of things. Drives me absolutely insane! I’m not talking about people playing dodge ball in a therapeutic setting here. That’s a whole different ball game that I’ve come to recognize well having sat both in the counsellor and the client’s chair over the years.

In a therapeutic setting, where a counselor tries to move the client forward, a lot of the knee jerking reactions, are coming from a struggle and a need to remember who we are. That’s different than people who play dodge ball with everyone they interact with; not as a means to discover who they are, but rather as a means of hiding who they are.

I lose interest in developing friendships with people with whom I have to constantly decode everything they say or mean. It’s exhausting, and half the damn time I don’t get it right anyway. I walk away feeling like I never got past the front door. There’s nothing to place in my memory bank as a frame of reference. There’s nothing of substance to taste or hang on to. It’s like being served an empty pie shell. Nothing to chew on, remember, love, or want to get closer to. Call me strange, but I need more than that when it comes to relationships.

I’ve got an insatiable appetite for relationships I can sink my teeth into. I want people who are willing to be real. People who are willing to say what they think, show what they feel, and be genuine in who they are by stepping into their own shoes and blazing their own trail. Not by accomplishing what one might consider major feats, but very simply by being true to who the frick they are.

Maybe I’m asking for too much. Maybe I’m being avaricious. I don’t’ think so, but who knows. Maybe.