My heart is full of gratitude right now. I’m sitting by Mission Creek. I’ve come here on my bike from home which is about 5 km away. My intention this morning was only to take a walk to the bird sanctuary close to our place, but, at Andree’s urging for me to do my own thing and do my writing, I’m here. It’s house cleaning day and instead of going for a walk close by and doing my journaling outside, I was going to change my mind and stay home and help with the clean-up. However Andree, bless her heart, reminded me of what my priority is, what my love is, what I am constantly called to do, and she said: “Go, get your exercise and go write. If you were going to die tomorrow, what would you wish you had done today? Cleaned the house or spent time writing?”
It’s to write of course. It’s becoming more and more clear to me how my writing is important for me and how without it I feel I can’t function very well the rest of the day. (I think it’s been clear to Andree for a long time.) Not writing is like not brushing my teeth or not scratching an itch on the end of my nose. It bugs me, and I walk around with this underlying sense of frustration that eats away at me like a pine beetle on a fir tree.
What means the most to me is writing. Even if all I get to do in one day is to write here, within the pages of my journal, at least I feel better for having written. I am so very fortunate to have a partner who believes in me and who is constantly encouraging me to follow my passion regardless of what that means for her at the end of the day. How awesome is that!
My biggest hurdle is myself. It’s giving myself permission to give myself to my passion without getting side-tracked to something else only because guilt came knocking at my door.
Guilt that says, I “should” be doing more, earning more, helping more. That’s where I often go so I know that’s my lesson to learn. I am getting much better at it. I’m listening more, paying closer attention, allowing and most of all sitting my butt down and actually writing. I’m feeling pretty positive about that, pretty proud of myself. “It’s coming,” as Edith would say.
4 comments:
Annette, I guess I forgot about this little space. I think I used it once before.
Sharon
Aha, I'm glad you found your way here Sharon. Great. I'm posting your previous comment below as I think it was wonderful.
"What a lovely creek, and close enough to visit on a bike. Very fortunate. The key words here that I read are permission - passion - and guilt. Sometimes I think it is much harder to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves than it is to give other people permission to do what they need at our expense. Ignore the guilt, it has a dirty face."
Sharon
Sounds like a magnificent morning!
What a wonderful day! You are blessed to have some a peaceful place to ride to and to have a partner who loves you so much. Not everyone has just one of those things, much less both.
And I appreciate Sharon pulling out and connecting those three words ... permission, passion, and guilt ... something given, something found, and something to let go off. Wonderful words to carry to the water!
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