Today Andree leaves for up North (Alberta). She will be away until the 17th. Our place is pretty quiet at the best of times but it will be even more quiet with Andree gone – likely a little more than I like it to be.
I have no appointments with clients today but I have other appointments, one with the dentist (the last one to adjust this stupid mouthpiece I hope), and one to get my face waxed which I am in bad need of. I’m starting to look like an ape. To do a good job to un-ape me, I would have to dip my whole body in a barrel of wax and then get someone to rip the strips off. It would take a while not to mention the pain of it all. Getting my face done is bad enough. I can’t imagine doing it to some, should I say, more delicate parts of my body, those that don’t often see the light of day.
Going to either of these appointments gets me a little freaked out. The dentist because I can’t stand someone poking around in my mouth which I’m sure has to do with very early memories which is a whole other story. Then, lying still while someone rips the big black and white hairs that poke out everywhere on my face along with all the underlying little peach fuzz isn’t my idea of having a good time either. I have to numb myself in order to allow these folks to do their job. I get into this sort of trance, a place outside my body, a place I sometimes visited as a child. It’s not always a good place to go to as an adult and I have to use this skill sparingly but in these two instances it’s this skill that saves my ass. Otherwise, my aim from day to day, moment to moment is to stay connected to the present, to be aware and immersed in what’s right in front of me. It’s powerful what the human body can do to protect itself, or maybe I should say, what the human psyche can do to protect itself.
Andree gave me a new journal, one she fixed up for me this morning. Another one like the one I’m using now with images she’s put on the cover that speak of who I am. I love it! I am just about ready to start a new one. There are only a couple of pages left in the one I’m writing in now. I suspect it will be filled before we roll over into the next day.
I was just thinking how I could spend my whole day writing if I allowed myself to do so. Between leaving words in the pages of my journal, posting on my blog, writing in a journal for grandchildren, writing letters to others who are special in my life, I could be busy all day and many days, that is my greatest wish – to just write. Sometimes that’s all I want to lay claim to, the flow of creative expression that I am meant to be. I’m not looking for any literary awards. The desire is not really for that. The desire is to be true to myself first and foremost and in so doing perhaps help others to be true to themselves. That’s all I want really. That’s my greatest desire and perhaps even the impetus behind this ever growing stack of journals that keeps accumulating in various trunks around my house.
I sent two of my journals out in the mail yesterday. They are going to someone I’ve been corresponding with for years. It’s a journal exchange. I sent her two of mine and she will do the same with hers. Both of us are looking forward to a more intimate peak into our lives, sort of a backstage look, a look at what goes on behind the curtains, beyond the everyday chatter and the regular stuff shared on a daily basis.
I have no appointments with clients today but I have other appointments, one with the dentist (the last one to adjust this stupid mouthpiece I hope), and one to get my face waxed which I am in bad need of. I’m starting to look like an ape. To do a good job to un-ape me, I would have to dip my whole body in a barrel of wax and then get someone to rip the strips off. It would take a while not to mention the pain of it all. Getting my face done is bad enough. I can’t imagine doing it to some, should I say, more delicate parts of my body, those that don’t often see the light of day.
Going to either of these appointments gets me a little freaked out. The dentist because I can’t stand someone poking around in my mouth which I’m sure has to do with very early memories which is a whole other story. Then, lying still while someone rips the big black and white hairs that poke out everywhere on my face along with all the underlying little peach fuzz isn’t my idea of having a good time either. I have to numb myself in order to allow these folks to do their job. I get into this sort of trance, a place outside my body, a place I sometimes visited as a child. It’s not always a good place to go to as an adult and I have to use this skill sparingly but in these two instances it’s this skill that saves my ass. Otherwise, my aim from day to day, moment to moment is to stay connected to the present, to be aware and immersed in what’s right in front of me. It’s powerful what the human body can do to protect itself, or maybe I should say, what the human psyche can do to protect itself.
Andree gave me a new journal, one she fixed up for me this morning. Another one like the one I’m using now with images she’s put on the cover that speak of who I am. I love it! I am just about ready to start a new one. There are only a couple of pages left in the one I’m writing in now. I suspect it will be filled before we roll over into the next day.
I was just thinking how I could spend my whole day writing if I allowed myself to do so. Between leaving words in the pages of my journal, posting on my blog, writing in a journal for grandchildren, writing letters to others who are special in my life, I could be busy all day and many days, that is my greatest wish – to just write. Sometimes that’s all I want to lay claim to, the flow of creative expression that I am meant to be. I’m not looking for any literary awards. The desire is not really for that. The desire is to be true to myself first and foremost and in so doing perhaps help others to be true to themselves. That’s all I want really. That’s my greatest desire and perhaps even the impetus behind this ever growing stack of journals that keeps accumulating in various trunks around my house.
I sent two of my journals out in the mail yesterday. They are going to someone I’ve been corresponding with for years. It’s a journal exchange. I sent her two of mine and she will do the same with hers. Both of us are looking forward to a more intimate peak into our lives, sort of a backstage look, a look at what goes on behind the curtains, beyond the everyday chatter and the regular stuff shared on a daily basis.
The lilac bushes as seen from the bedroom patio door.
3 comments:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the sweet scent of Lilacs filling my body, mind and spirit.
I want to touch them! Hold them! Surround myself with each and every blossom once more.
Happy Mother's Day dear friend. Thank you for sharing with the scent of Lilacs everywhere.......
Barbara
I love the lilacs. My lilacs are just starting to leaf out and after the snow we had it will be a few weeks yet before any blooms appear anywhere in my garden. Thanks for a peak into spring.
love always,
Phillis oxoxoxxoxoxo
Enjoyed reading your posts here. Especailly laughing about the waxing comments. Haven't had that done 'anywhere' yet. Hope you have a good visit with your daughter and enjoy the solitude while having some alone time.
Trading journals - very interesting idea, though I don't think I am brave enough.
Sharon
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