I’m being asked to cultivate patience, generosity, and faith with myself. I’m being told that my dreams are worth whatever time it takes to discover and start living them. My question is: how?
How do I cultivate patience, generosity and faith? Is it like planting seeds in a garden? If so, I can do that. I used to have huge gardens and harvest a pretty fair crop. I know what’s required to get there: a lot of weeding, hoeing, watering, hilling, waiting, and loving. I can do that, but where, my question is, do I get the seed?
How do I cultivate patience, generosity and faith? Is it like planting seeds in a garden? If so, I can do that. I used to have huge gardens and harvest a pretty fair crop. I know what’s required to get there: a lot of weeding, hoeing, watering, hilling, waiting, and loving. I can do that, but where, my question is, do I get the seed?
I have lots of patience, generosity and faith when it comes to others but lately it sure is lacking towards myself. I’ve been hunting high and low, in the cracks of the chairs where people often lose their change, in the corners of the closet with the help of my flash light, in the cookie jar, in the trunks where I stash my collection of written journals – but I’ve come up empty handed when it comes to finding any signs of patience, generosity and faith. I haven’t seen the likes of them in so long I’m not even sure I’d recognize them unless they had neon signs flashing in the distance.
They’re elusive. Hard to grab on to. Hard to describe. Like love maybe. Formless. You know it, but can’t describe it, and it slips through your fingers like dish soap. You “know” it but you can’t describe it. Not really. You have to be in it to describe it, to taste it. Like peas in a soup.
Patience, generosity and faith – is it like the flour, eggs and sugar that go into the making of a cake, like I read about in the lesson of the course I’m taking, the cake of life? And what does it all mean unless it’s something tangible and real I sink my teeth into? Can I even describe them?
Patience for me would be to keep reminding myself that life is a process. That it’s the ‘doing’ - the moment that counts even more than the results. Patience for me is very much linked with trust – trusting the process.
Generosity would be to listen to what I tell others and to make sure I also apply it to myself. It’s allowing myself to do exactly what I’m doing now which is to sit my butt on the chair and to write what needs to be written.
Faith equals believing in myself. Not giving up no matter how old or tired or lost I feel some days. Faith means I keep showing up even when the sea gets rough. Faith means I hang on to a ‘knowing’ – not a thought at the intellectual level, but a ‘knowing’ at the heart level – that something is.
So the seeds to sow are what I need. Maybe where I’ll find them is not under things or in the dark corners where I’ve been looking for them, maybe they’re right here hiding within my words.
Photo credit: Phillis Jeffery
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2 comments:
Why is it that patience, trust and faith are always the difficult ones to find? This is a universal truth, I believe. I hold you in light as you look and surely find them. It's the most difficult times that allow us to finally see. I made a dent in this past year but I didn't do it without a lot of kicking and screaming.
I love your words Annette and the quest you are on. I love the thought of getting all the ingredients together and watching it happen. I like the picture at the end and I loved the time we spent there. It was by far my favourite retreat to date. You'll find the seeds you are looking for. They are there, but perhaps not where you are looking or perhaps they look different than what you might imagine they look like. They will show up as they always do and on you will go building that next part of your journey.
love always,
Phillis xoxoxoxo
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