A Hodgepodge of Days

I’ve been writing. There’s no doubt about that. My nice new journal I got for my birthday is filling up fast. But, obviously, I haven’t done too much of my writing here. I’ve been doing this for a long time now and I still have trouble deciding who’s going to get my attention in the morning – my paper journal or my on-line journal. I’m trying to figure out what makes me decide and I’m not sure I know except that it’s something inside, some little gnawing craving that guides me.

An urge or a need to feel connected to the physical act of pushing the pen across the page and feeling the paper underneath my palm, that’s part of it. Then there’s the smell of the leather from my journal made from camel hide. There’s also the fact that I can write anywhere in my paper journal. I can be in bed, in the living room chair, on the back patio, out on my walk, at the kitchen table, in the car. It’s so versatile compared to my computer where I already spend too much time during the day.

So why do I come and write here at all - because I’ve come to love it too. At first it felt kind of artificial to write stuff and post it so anyone could see, but it doesn’t anymore. It feels real now. Like I’m talking to friends even if I have no idea who the heck reads what I write except for those who are kind enough to leave comments in the comment section.

Other than that I don’t have a clue who pops in and sees what I’m up to or who would even have a desire to. Maybe there are people from ex-intimate or non-intimate relationships, some fellow writers, some past or present friends, someone who accidently finds me on the internet, another lover of words like me who loves to see words appear on the page at the end of their finger tips. Who knows?

So here’s the scoop on a few things. First, I got my mark back from my instructor and I made an ‘A’ which in this particular course is designated to be between a 90-100%. Yes! I don’t have a problem with that. I really had to push myself through that course. Now I’ve got my book for the next sitting beside me only I can’t get an answer on the instructor if she will allow me an extra week to do it since I’ll be away for a week in July where there will no internet connection. So I’m waiting patiently. Wondering and waiting and thinking, on the one hand I’d like to jump in and do it and get it over with and on the other hand I’d like to call it quits for the summer anyway.

Last Saturday we went to an all women’s dance and it was a blast! We met some new people and kicked up a little dust before coming home at 3 a.m. I used to be able to dance all night and get along on a few hours of sleep and still go take on the day. The key word here is ‘used to’. Sunday came around and had to nudge me between the shoulder blades before I could sit up and take notice. Tuesday night there was a gathering of women at the restaurant part of Mickey’s Pub so we went there too and met even more women. On both these occasions it was nice to be with people who live like we do.

Wednesday night we had a friend and her new beau over for supper. I was kind of checking this guy out making sure he was good news for this friend who I care about and who’s been on her own for a long time now. Not that what I thought would have made a damn bit of difference since she’s madly in love with this guy and it’s really none of my business but this guy is super nice and a cool dude really. We had a nice evening wining and dining, (they wined and we joined them in the dining), and then we played some cards together. It was a good time.

Yesterday we decided to work outside in the flower beds until the sun got too hot and then run off to the coolness of the forest at Mission Creek with a lunch in one pack sac and our journals in the other. We weren’t supposed to be very long but it was a good three or four hours before we came back. It’s hard to pull yourself away from a place like that.

There’s a place where the trail in the forest opens up into a meadow and there’s an old building sitting there. I went and walked around it all the while praying I would know the guy who owns this property and praying he would be crazy enough to sell it and I would be the one he’d sell it to. Someone used to live there years and years ago.

There’s power going to the building and it would certainly need some fixing like a new roof and some windows and stuff but man could I ever see myself living there. I would sell what we have tomorrow for the chance to live in that place surrounded by the forest and with the sound and sight of the creek running a few hundred feet below. I sat there and saw myself in that place in my mind’s eye, or in a place just like it. Some people say: “Ya right!” Some people say, “never say never.” I say: “One day – one day!”