Let It Go

So, my youngest, Brenda, is moved to Pemberton, BC, but the move wasn’t without incident. First a fist fight broke out between a customer and an employee where they went to pick up the U-Haul. Once they got their truck they went to load up their new living room furniture which was ready for pick-up and one of the sales people had sold it to someone else. Then Brenda went to get the bikes to load them in the truck and she fell and broke her arm. The rest of the move was clear sailing, thank God.

As for me, there were a couple of times this past week where if someone would have come up to me and said “patience is a virtue” I would have punched their lights out. I had to be reminded to let it go and even then it took a while. I would release it and grab on to it just as quickly like it was a life line or some kind of prestigious award like the Nobel Peace Prize. Something that’s kind of hard to imagine when someone is spitting words through clenched teeth. But there you go. I felt jaded, frustrated and downright pissed off and I figured I had every right to be.

And that’s what I got – the right to be. And in the end all it gave me was my self-righteous right to be right. It gave me nothing else but a headache to boot. It took from me though. It took my energy. It took my sense of well-being. It took me from the present moment, it took my smile and it took from the joy and the love in my heart.

It all started with the machine I had to address myself to before being put on hold, before getting to the Telus guy, who couldn’t help me and who couldn’t understand my problem, and who I couldn’t understand what he was saying because of his strong accent, didn’t care if I was right or wrong, how frustrated I was or if I was going to jump off the Empire State Building.

Then I got all worked up about the people I have been waiting on to work on various things in order to move my business along and to get some income rolling into the door instead of always rolling out the door have not stopped living their life and going about their business because mine is on hold. And in the end it’s not their problem but mine.

At first, my letting go was intellectual. Yesterday, I started to breathe and to feel some relief. Today, I am able to release and let go. Today I feel it. Today it is real. A total allowing of what is – a trusting in the moment and in things unfolding as they should. Today, I am back to my original self. The me I want to be. The I am that I am.