Speed Bumps Along Life’s Highway

“Have total faith that whatever is happening is good, and remain carefree.”

I read this when I got up this morning with a head full of fog still wondering what to do around all this marketing stuff. I’ve been trying so hard to find something or someone who will work with me and who won’t require me to sell my house and home in order to afford what they offer. It’s easy to have total faith when a person is wheeling and dealing with company funds. It’s a whole different ball of game when it’s my gas and grocery money and I have no source of income coming in to replace what’s going out. It makes my grasp on faith a little slippery to hang on to.

I was writing in my paper journal early this morning trying to figure out what’s going on here. There’s something that doesn’t feel right or that I don’t quite understand. It seems to me it shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t be such a struggle for a person to go out there and do what they feel they are called to do – to go out there and do what they love doing. Am I missing a clue somewhere? Am I trying too hard? Is there some part of all this I’m just not getting? Am I not clear enough? Focused enough? Or is there a whole other plan for me out there that no one has bothered to tell me about yet?

Will I ever figure it out? Will it happen before I hit retirement age? Questions. Too many darn questions. It would be nice to have some answers for a change. I’m ready. My ears are tuned in, my heart is open, my eyes are peeled, and my nose is primed like a track dog on a mission. I’m ready to do what I have to do to go where I want to go. Enough with the questions already. Bring on the answers before I run out of steam. A few answers thrown in here and there would sure make it easier to chase that carrot around the track.

This nasty cold hasn’t been helping to keep me focused either. It’s thrown a few monkey wrenches in my stride. I got a call about two weeks ago calling me for surgery on January 22nd. Only I was so stuffed up I sounded like my nose was off my face and I was gagged. So after verifying that there was nothing wrong with the phone the booking nurse at the other end said if you’re not better by Wednesday of next week you have to call us back and cancel this surgery because they won’t be able to safely put you to sleep. Wednesday was yesterday and I called and cancelled. Although I am much better and well on my way there are still a few rumbles coming from my chest walls, I still bark a little and I’m still not completely divorced from that Kleenex box.

So this repair job for the part that failed from my previous big five in one surgery about two years ago and for which I’ve been on call ever since to go in and get repaired, is now going on hold for a bit longer. I was hoping they would postpone me to a spot in February some time so I could get well and then get this thing over with but they tell me it won’t be until March now. That’s kind of rough when I’m making plans and scheduling workshops for the months ahead but what can you do.

I hate all these little speed bumps on the road that come along and trip you up or make you slow right down. But they’re usually there for a reason and they do make a person slow down and take note of what is going on around them which is not a bad thing. It’s a blessing to be given the time to look around and to think a little and to realize that yes, things are probably just where they need to be. Whatever is happening is good. “It’s all good” as someone I’ve come to know used to say. “It’s all good.”

(In memory of George and his sister, Judy who followed him.)