Monday, December 31, 2007
Transition into the New
I want to make one last post before the year fizzles away and the new one makes its way in. I feel like I should be writing this big long philosophical writing to honour this time of transition into the New Year but I’m just not there so all I can do is go with the moment.
And what is the moment? Bewilderment. Evasion. Contemplation. Assimilation. Reflection. Avoidance. Knowing. Unrest. Ambivalence. It’s all of that and much more – a constant back and forth, a search for balance on the teeter-totter of life. Something is lacking for me. Some sort of connection to the deeper side of things and right now I’m not sure where to get it except maybe within the pages of my journal (which I am still avoiding) to give myself to.
I’ve gone to the page but only momentarily to feel the flow of the pen on the paper but I haven’t stayed long enough to scratch beneath the surface. There is something, God knows what, that keeps me from reaching in and touching it. Whatever the heck “it” is.
Maybe it’s not ready to reveal itself yet. Maybe it doesn’t feel safe enough to come to the surface and make itself known. Hell, maybe there isn’t even anything there. Maybe “it’s” died inside me and I’ll be the last one to know.
I don’t know what I want to do for this transition of time into the New Year but I know I don’t want to make New Year’s resolutions. I don’t believe in them. What I want to do is like the prompt for my writing group said, to decide on my path and to walk down it in every possible way I can.
And if I’m honest about it, that’s where my ambivalence and all the rest of it is. It’s in seeing what that path is. I can’t seem to define any of it right now and it’s driving me nuts. Or maybe I should say, nuttier since spinning around in a circle chasing one’s tail can’t be one of the sanest things to be doing.
Maybe all I can do for tonight is pray that the New Year will come in with lots of light and that it will somehow illuminate my path. In the meantime I will have no expectations but to be in the moment as I follow the transition into the new.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
HAPPY NEW YEAR BLESSINGS
Very strange to be feeling much the same way you have been writing in your last two posts here.
I no longer make resolutions either. For some reason they feel too much like setting self up to fail.
About all we can do is go foreward into 2008 doing the best we can.......
Blessings,
Barbara
Be ready to be surprised and amazed at what the New Year has in store for you. Just when it seems the greyest, a light comes on and discloses all the possiblilities and all we have to do is choose where we want to go and then pick up one foot at a time and enjoy wonderful gifts that await us on our journey. "It's all Good"
love always,
Phillis xoxoxoxoxoxo
You say "It’s in seeing what that path is. I can’t seem to define any of it right now and it’s driving me nuts." Let your vision go soft, gentle, out of focus. Maybe what's hiding will, then, come into view.
It IS hard to be patient. Maybe the piece that you need to complete the puzzle has not yet finished what it needs to do before it can come to you.
Holding the vision with you,
Paula
Post a Comment