Mixed Emotions

It’s hard to figure out what to do with two opposing emotions, that come barrelling in at you, one just as strong as the other, each of them fighting to hold a spot on center stage. That’s the way I felt all day yesterday and I don’t have to scratch too far for it to all get stirred up again so I’m tucking my fingers in so as not to cause too much disturbance.

It’s kind of like walking on tiptoes to keep things settled down. And it’s not the experience of the strong emotion I mind as much as the battle between the two oppositional sides. Makes me feel like I’m jumping in and out of a different suit, sort of like a Jekyll and Hyde kind of personality and it’s a little crazy making to say the least.

Yesterday, my youngest daughter Brenda, and her fiancé James, left for their five month trip to experience other parts of the world. They are scheduled to return on April 16th, 2008. Wow, that makes it sound like such a long time away!

And wow, what a chance of a lifetime! And wow, I wish I could have joined them, (not part of their wish list I’m sure) to share in every minute of the experience with them! And wow, there are so many unknowns and yet I know it’s the chance of a lifetime, and I envy them and cheer them on, and I know they will love it and have a good time, and.........

I don’t know much about James as a child only of the wonderful young man he is today, but for Brenda, it’s another wow! What a far cry from the shy, timid, scared little girl she used to be who struggled almost every day through her growing up years. I guess that’s a little bit where these two strong opposing emotions come from as my mind dances back and forth from the picture of who she once was to the wonderful young woman she is today. But that’s not all it is because I don’t think I’m the only one feeling the tug of two strong opposing emotions with their departure yesterday. In fact I’m sure I’m not after speaking to my other daughter Jody, who was the one bidding them farewell at the airport and sending them on their merry way.

It is one of the strangest, weirdest things to be jumping over the fence with joy for someone while at the same time be choking back the tears and not doing a very good job of either one. Not to mention how it waps the energy right out of you and leaves you feeling like a soggy limp overdone piece of spaghetti. Oyh veh!

So there it is the beginning of the story of “Brenda & James Go Travelling”. And if any of you are so inclined, you can read about their adventures for yourself as they will be making posts to a blog they’ve set up to keep all of us who will be missing them updated on their whereabouts. You can check it out for yourself at: http://brendajames.blogspot.com/. They will be travelling through Australia, New Zealand, Thailand, and in Asia they are scheduled to backpack into Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos.

From where I stand I am cheering them on thinking when they look back twenty years from now they won’t be among those saying, “I wish I would have.....” It doesn’t matter what it is you want to do, whether it’s to change the situation you’re unhappy with or it’s to try a new recipe – line your ducks up in a row, and “just do it,” I say.


Ah, sometimes it’s a bugger to be human and to run through a gamut of emotions each one of them struggling to find expression at the same time. And yet I wouldn’t for a minute have it any other way or think of not having the chance to experience it all.