Conquering Life and the Written Word

I’ve determined it now. We will live through this. We’re not at the end but we’re waddling our way through and it’s looking a hell of a lot better than when we walked through the door 28 days ago. There’s one room left to do. The laundry room. Unless of course we decide to paint the bedrooms again!! It’s freshly painted but the color we put in there drove me nuts after we put the carpet down and as much as I tried to get used to it I still think it’s a limy, yellowish kind of puky green and I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to it. Some color schemes leave me sitting on the fence as to whether I like them or not. This one sends me clear into the next room.


With all this October is almost over, and not only have I not been writing here, but I only have a few pages in my journal to show for it. Our new place has consumed me and my time. Bloody shame! And I’ve got nobody to blame but myself. I got lost in the focus to reach the end and to get my life back on track again. I say that I get bored with routine and order and not having enough change in my life, but I’ve discovered that after it’s been lacking for too long I work my ass off to get it back thinking I’m not whole without it. Strange creature I am. One day I’ll understand all my “in’s and out’s” but that will probably be the day I’ll be bored with myself.

I don’t like it when I’m so long without writing. For one thing it always spells trouble for me. I feel out of sorts although some of the people around me might refer to it as being more on the grumpy side. I don’t sleep well at night and wake up with my mouth all chewed up from grinding my teeth because everything is churning around in my head instead of coming down on paper. And then when I do sit down to write there is so much that needs to come out that it’s like opening the doors to a 75% off Boxing Day special at Wall Mart. There’s so much I want to say that all the words come crashing out faster than I can write them. A big jumbled mess of little disjointed pieces here and there. Like someone has dissected my thoughts.

We took some time off last night and went out and about in town. One of the places we went to, surprise, surprise, was a second hand book store. I was good and came out with only three more books to add to my collection. One of the gems I found is a book called “I Might Be Nothing” written by Lara Gilbert. It is a book of her journal writings. She started keeping a journal when she was 7 and when she died in 1995 at the age of 23 she had 20 journals written. She entrusted these journals to her mother and asked that nothing be done with them until five years after her death had passed. The book is what her mother published.

In the introduction her mother says. “It is well known that the suppression of women’s journals has been notorious. IN my selections here, her writing is intact with very minimal editing.” I’ve only read a few pages so far and although it is a “real” journal filled with this girl’s truth. I can’t wait to read more. I’m sure I will devour every word. Reading someone’s thoughts as written in their journals is crossing into a sacred land for me. I honour and respect the ground I travel on as I read.
I wish I didn’t have to sleep at night. There is so much more I would still like to do when evening rolls around and my eyes are closing and my head is bobbing in the wind. But my body demands rest and I reluctantly must oblige. Honoring my body and its needs is an important part of a balanced life but it’s the part I’ve always had the most trouble with. It’s always been a battle for me to recognize the signals unless my head falls in my soup or I wake up in a bathtub full of cold water.

Speaking of cold water. This summer, I forget exactly when now, but when we had no computer or way to stay in touch with people, we went to Powell River on the Sunshine Coast of B.C. I had applied for a job and I got called out for an interview which they paid for me to attend. Hey, you pay me to travel and I’m out the door before you change your mind. We had to take two ferries to get us there and the trip was out of this world. I felt like an owl with my head constantly turning from one direction to another trying to take it all in. It is beautiful country up there by the coast and one day I just might move up there but this time I’ll make sure I have a house to go to before selling this one. Here’s me standing in the Pacific Ocean feeling like I’ve just conquered the world.