Embracing the Day

Ten days and counting. Betsy continues to rack up the miles and guzzle the gas and our perspective place to move to remains a mystery to us. I am getting tired and frustrated. Our time literally disappears into what is becoming a real estate nightmare while my desire to forge ahead with plans for setting up an office and preparing workshops continues to be on hold.

Last night I was ready to put my head in my hands and cry. This morning, as in most mornings, I feel more optimistic and enthusiastic about taking on the day. I jump out of bed with a sense of adventure and renewed trust in the journey. It’s in the evening, by the end of another unsuccessful day, that my sense of humor wanes and becomes a little sour around the edges.

But despite the “empty handed” home search, I had an awesome weekend just the same with friends who joined us in birthday celebrations plus emails from friends from afar and calls from my daughters and grandchildren. What more could a person ask for? I wouldn’t call myself a party person for sure but to gather with those who are close and whose friendship I value was life giving and heart warming.

I stopped in to see Mom for about an hour yesterday. Poor Mom. She is always tired and always falling asleep lately. We go see her and she’s either, snoozing in her wheelchair, just going to bed, just getting up or sleeping like a log. Even when we’re talking with her or we’re taking her for a walk, or I give her a bath, she often closes her eyes and we have to keep reminding her to open them again.

If I look closer and listen more attentively though sometimes I think it’s the denial game she’s played all her life that comes into play and it’s her way of shutting out a world she doesn’t want to be in. In many ways she’s been my teacher as I continue to strive to connect with the truth in each moment of my day.

I want to know what’s on the other side of the tree, or under the rock, or around the bend and I need to connect with it and feel and touch everything it has to offer. I want to know what it is, analyze it and understand, bring it into my existence and see if it fits for me.

Is it my truth, or is it someone else’s? Do I have something to learn? Do I have something to offer? Do I want to embrace what I see and feel or can I let it go? For me, for now, this is what allows me to keep my eyes open and to embrace the day. Speaking of which, there is a big “to-do” list waiting to send me on my way.