Dear Emily:

Look who came to our picnic table and was waiting for breakfast to be served this morning. Isn’t he beautiful! There were three of them in the neighbor’s yard next door chewing on the berries on their trees but this one decided to come and check out our place. Before wandering over to the Maple he stood with his butt up against the back door of our house. Had I been able to open it without hitting him or scaring him away I could have reached out and fed him out of my hand.

So this is it. My last week in class. Unbelievable! I don’t know whether I should jump up and down with joy or sit in the corner and cry. After an intense year of learning, growing, sharing, and doing a daily “check-in” with classmates, not having any of this as part of my day will leave a big emptiness for sure. Right now I’m having a bit of a hard time with that concept. I’ve become quite close to some of these people. But, life goes on. Besides, I’m sure I will stay in touch with some of them and its all part of moving towards the next step of my journey.

I went to visit Mom again yesterday. I spent close to three hours with her. I brought her to the bathroom a couple of times, brushed her hair, washed her face, put lotion on her, made her walk with a walker, pushed her up and down the different hallways with her wheel chair, helped her with her dinner and put her to bed for her afternoon nap before I kissed her goodbye and left.

Every time we go now she says she hates it there and she wants to get out. Sometimes she’ll say something like, “I have three daughters and I’m stuck here.” I find it hard to hear and it’s not without affecting me for sure but I try to explain things to her and to make her talk about her feelings about being there. Sometimes I get something out of her but not always. She goes back and forth from saying things that are rooted in the now to things about someone or something that happened years and years ago and often, there seems to be no distinction between past, present or future.

There is a lot going on in my head and in my heart these days. There are so many unknown’s hanging over my head that I’m sure it would make pretty much anybody nervous. I have to work hard at trusting and staying focused in the moment so I don’t start winding myself up in a great big ball of fear. I don’t even want to go there. You know if someone were to ask me, “what do you think has been your greatest lesson or learning in life so far?” it wouldn’t be very hard for me to answer. Trust! Learning to trust and following my truth! What do you think your biggest lesson/learning has been?

Writefully Yours
Annette